Glee: Quotes from “Brittany/Britney”

Heather Morris as 'Brittany' on GleeIt’s the second episode of the second season of ‘Glee’ and we’re treated to the show’s 2nd tribute episode of the series, dedicated to the one and only Miss Britney Spears! What’d you think of the performances? I think Heather Morris killed it – at times she really upstages the original Britney.The “Me Against the Music” performance was good but Heather Morris’ dancing and Britney-retrospect in “I’m A Slave 4 U” was truly awesome. And how cool was it that Britney Spears herself actually took the time out of her oh-so busy schedule to shoot a couple scenes? That within itself felt like a major accomplishment considering we hardly get to see Britney out and working these days.

Musically though, I was a bit underwhelmed by the song choices. Like in “The Power of Madonna” they seemed to choose the very basic and expected tracks from Britney’s career. Why not go for the lesser known, less overexposed and overplayed songs from her catalog like say “Someday (I Will Understand)” as the ballad instead of the awkwardly placed Paramore track “The Only Exception”? Or “Break the Ice”, “Radar”, “Don’t Go Knocking On My Door”, “The Hook Up” …? I’d like to see ‘Glee’ take on some lesser known tracks from these big artists in groups rather than playing the Top 40 hits. Anyways, off my soapbox. Here are some of the memorable quotes from the episode:

Will: “Who can tell me who Christopher Cross is [wrote the song “Sailing”]?”
Brittany: “He discovered America!”

Brittany: “I don’t want to do Britney.”
Kurt: “Why no Britney, Brittany?”
Brittany: “Because my name is also Brittany “S-Pierce”. My middle name is Susan, last name is Pierce – that makes me Brittany S. Pierce. I’ve lived my whole life in Britney Spears’ shadow. I will never be as talented or as famous. I hope you all respect that I want glee club to remain a place where I, Brittany S. Pierce, can escape the torment of Britney Spears.”

“You’re calling me uptight? The woman who buys hand sanitizer by the barrel?” — Will to Emma

“Can I just say you’re the hottest dentist I’ve ever seen? No, seriously, you could drill me …” — Santana to Carl

“I don’t brush my teeth. I rinse my mouth out with soda after I eat. I was pretty sure Dr. Pepper was a dentist.” — Brittany

“This room looks like the one one that spaceship where I got probed.” — Brittany

Carl: “I’m gonna put you under a little general anesthesia. You won’t feel a thing.”
Brittany: “Like roofies?”
Carl: “Yea, totally.”

Brittany: “Can I have a blue toothbrush?”
Carl: “I’ll give you a hundred toothbrushes.”
Brittany: “Are you a cat?”

“Hey dork, did anyone ever tell you that you dress like one of the bait girls on ‘To Catch a Predator’?” — Santana to Rachel

“I would just like to say that from now on I demand to have every solo in glee club. When I had my teeth cleaned I had the most amazing Britney Spears fantasy. I sang and dance better than her. Now I realize what a powerful woman that I am.” — Brittany

“I’m more talented than all of you. I see that clearly now. It’s Brittany. Bitch.” — Brittany

“I look forward to the day when the paparazzi provokes me and I attack them.” — Rachel

“Is this real life?” — Rachel after coming out from under anesthesia

“Ooh, baby, you can hit me as many times as you want as long as you got that on!” — Black football player to Rachel

Finn: “You see what I’m talking about? They’re personifying you!”
Rachel: “Objectifying.”

“Oh, hey home-wrecker!” — Terri to Emma

“Well, congratulations. Normally you dress like a fantasy of a perverted Japanese business man with a very dark specific fetish but I actually dig this look. Yay.” — Santana to Rachel

“William, I realize you’re still mourning the loss of that bony, redheaded hominid you’re in love with …. You’re flailing, William. Now, I’m secretly hoping it’s a midlife crisis which means you’re halfway to an early death affording me a blissful, demented convalescent sweat being on your grave.” — Sue Sylvester

“Don’t let your own recklessness blind you to the fact that Britney Spears is a genius pop culture provocateur and a gateway drug to every out of control impulse ever created.” — Sue Sylvester to Will

“It’s like an ink blot test that butt sweat stain. Stare into it William and you’ll see the light of all that is good leave this world.” — Sue Sylvester

“It’s a Britney Spears sex riot!” — Sue Sylvester

“You know William, that’s what one Hubert Humphrey said back in 1968 at the start of the Democratic National Convention. But then hippies put acid in everyone’s bourbon and when an updraft revealed Lady Bird Johnson’s tram stamp and tattoos above her ovaries. Mayor Richard J. Daley became so incensed with sexual rage that he punched his own wife in the face and spent the next hour screaming “Sex party!” into the microphone of all three major networks.” — Sue Sylvester

“You can expect a call soon from my lawyer Gloria Allred. I’m gonna sue the pants off you, Will. I’m going to take your house, your car, your extensive collection of vests. I mean seriously, you wear more vests than the cast of ‘Blossom’!” — Sue Sylvester

“You ever notice that Britney Spears only makes great music when she’s not chasing down paparazzi? She can’t swallow a grenade and let her talent explode all over the world. She’s got to rein it in just like you do.” — Emma to Will

“Finn can fly? Wait, I thought I was the only one doing solos from now on. Next week I will be performing a musical number by Ke$ha.” — Brittany

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Glee: Leaked tracks from “Brittany/Britney”

Britney Spears on Glee

Britney fans, prepare to squeal with “glee” – you can hear the full versions of the pop star’s songs to be featured on “Glee”! Head over to iLeaks to listen to full versions of songs from the Britney Spears tribute episode “Brittany/Britney” airing September 28. Songs include “Toxic”, “Stronger”, “Me Against the Music”, “Baby One More Time”, and “I’m A Slave 4 U”. Check ’em out before they get pulled offline by clicking here.

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Man Crush of the Day: “Awesome” actor Ryan McPartlin

Ryan McPartlinIf you’re a fan of NBC’s spy comedy show Chuck then you’re already well aware of the “awesomeness” of Ryan McPartlin. He plays Devon Woodcomb, the husband of Chuck’s sister. On Chuck, Ryan’s character Devon goes by the nickname of “Captain Awesome” and when he’s not shown working in the hospital, Devon is usually working out. Shirtless. Covered in sweat. In skin-tight biker shorts. McPartlin obviously has a face and body fit for modeling so it’s no surprise that when he’s not gracing the audience with a shirtless, breathtaking appearance on ‘Chuck’ that he’s making his rounds in magazines, including a recent photo spread in DaMan magazine.

Ryan’s bio really isn’t surprising. He spent years working as a model for Abercrombie & Fitch; his television work includes roles on The Nanny, Living with Fran and the now defunct soap Passions. He also recently appeared in Sugarland’s music video for “Stuck Like Glue.” To no one’s surprise, Ryan McPartlin is also a certified personal trainer. I wonder if he gets to deduct all the working out he does on Chuck from his taxes? Hm, anyways, this piece of news will probably devastate many: he’s married and has kids! He’s been married to actress Danielle Kirlin (yeah, I don’t know who she is either) since 2002 and has two sons with her. That makes Ryan McPartlin an official DILF! Check out more hot shots of Ryan below:

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Ryan McPartlin

Man Crush of the Day: ‘The Defenders’ star Jerry O’Connell

Jerry O'ConnellDid anyone catch the debut of CBS’ new lawyer show, ‘The Defenders’? It stars Jim Belushi and Jerry O’Connell who are two lawyers who take on impossible-to-win cases and both are somewhat eccentric and not what you’d expect from a lawyer. If it sounds familiar, it’s because it’s a now overused plot for any lawyer show on television. Basically, if you’ve seen ‘Ally McBeal’, ‘Boston Legal’ or the 1980s show ‘Night Court’ then you have a good enough idea of what ‘The Defenders’ is all about. The only think remarkable about the show is Jerry O’Connell! In the first scene of the show we’re introduced to his character Pete Kaczmarek who comes off a bit like a womanizer. Regardless, O’Connell went shirtless twice in the episode so obviously he’s graduated up the Hollywood ladder over the years to the esteemed role as attractive male lead.

You’ve seen and probably know all about O’Connell. He’s known as “the fat kid in the movie ‘Stand By Me'” who later in life shed all his weight, transformed into a male hottie and apparently is all about showing off his body. And who’s to blame him considering he’s doing a bang up job at keeping in shape and staying healthy? Not sure if ‘The Defenders’ will be a hit or not but if it continues to feature Jerry O’Connell in various states of undress, it’ll at least earn a coveted scheduled spot on my DVR. Check out more of O’Connell below:

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Jerry O'Connell

Man Crush of the Day: ‘Glee’ hottie Chord Overstreet

Chord OverstreetIf you caught the season 2 premiere of ‘Glee’, you got an eye-full of one of it’s newest cast members, Chord Overstreet. Rumors had been swirling around since the summer that Chord was going be playing Kurt’s (played by Chris Colfer) new love interest. Apparently, that was just a rumor because producers seem to have other plans for his character Sam Evans. Still, Chord Overstreet adds some much needed male eye candy to the cast. Perhaps it’s his blond hair or maybe it’s that ridiculously huge mouth, luscious pink lips or the muscles and pecs but whatever the case, Chord Overstreet’s Sam definitely had me hitting a few high notes as I squeal in glee at his shirtless shower singing and witty reply to Puck’s question of how many tennis balls could he fit in his huge mouth. “I’ve never had any balls in my mouth … have you?” Priceless, as was Finn’s expression at the exchange.

There’s not really much on Chord Overstreet bio wise. He does have a Twitter account that you can follow @chordoverstreet. For now, marvel at the hotness of this star with caps from his first appearance on ‘Glee’.

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Chord Overstreet

Glee: ‘Audition’ Quotes

Football coach Shannon Beiste, Sue Sylvester, Will Schuester

Season 2 of ‘Glee’ is finally upon us! Here are a few quotes from the first episode of the new season, ‘Audition’:

“I feel all tingly. Buzzing. Oh, it’s just my phone. I hope they call back.” — Brittany (during pre-show promo)

“How has life changed since the birth of your bastard child?” Jacob Israel to Quinn

Finn: “Rachel is what you’d call a controlist.”
Rachel: “I’m controlling – controlist isn’t a word.”

“Will Schuester – how do you respond to a recent post on my blog saying your glee club song selection sound like they come from a drag queen’s iPod? … 100% gay.” — Jacob

“People thought I went on vacation but I really spent the summer lost in the sewers.” — Brittany

“Did you know there’s a forum on my blog begging you to stop rapping?” — Jacob to Will Schuester

“When exactly did you end your sponsorship with Land’s End?” — Jacob to Will Schuester

“How do you get the white on rice?” — Jacob to Tina and Mike Chang

“What did you do with all that breast milk?” — Jacob to Quinn

“See this? It’s a court summons for child endangerment ’cause there’s been a line of would-be Cheerios camping outside the high school since late July. I guess they lost their humanity a little bit. Went a little ‘Lord of the Flies’ out there. One girl ate a pigeon.” — Sue Sylvester

“Oh God, Will, let me break it down for you. High school’s a dry run for the rest of your life. Not everyone can be champions; not everyone should be champions. The world needs fry cooks; bus drivers …” — Sue Sylvester

“Well then Enjoy a repeat of last year’s last place finish at regionals where even if your team had dropped their sequined-panties and urinated all over the stage like an elderly Carol Channing they literally could not have done worse.” — Sue Sylvester

“First of all, a female football coach like a male nurse – sin against nature. Number two: I’m sure you’re used to hillbilly parents yelping adulation to you as they attempt to impregnate the tailpipes of various off-road vehicles but you’re in my house now, Beiste. No one comes into my house and steals from me.” — Sue Sylvester to Coach Shannon Beiste

“You make not trying to destroy glee club easy. You know why? Because you’re doing such a bang up job all by yourself.” — Sue to Will

Puck:  “Dude your mouth is huge. How many tennis balls can you fit in there?”
Sam: “I don’t know, I’ve never had any balls in my mouth … have you?”

“Yes, these seats are currently being occupied by my ghost friends …. hideous, lonely faculty members who met an early death by good old fashioned school yard bullying. And you know why? Because they tried to cross me. So why don’t you keep on walking?” — Sue to Coach Beiste

“You think it’s easy being a female football coach? Being different? You think I don’t get this everywhere I go? Everyone one told me that Sue was the school bully and that you were really cool. I see they got that last part wrong, huh?” — Coach Beiste to Will Schuester

“You’ll deafen them with the sound of your stretch marks rubbing together!” — Sue Sylvester to Quinn on wanting to tryout for the Cheerios

“This is pretty embarrassing.” — Becky on Finn trying out for the Cheerios

“I’m the captain of the U.S.S. Kick Ass – not the U.S.S. Back Talk.” — Coach Shannon Beiste

“Oh, and Boobs McGee – you’re demoted to the bottom of the pyramid so when it collapses your exploding sandbags will protect the squad from injury. Now take your juicy, unripened chest and get the hell out of my office.” — Sue Sylvester to Santana after learning she got a boob job over the summer.

“Stop the violence.” — Brittany while watching Quinn and Santana fight.

“I made it up. Coach Beiste didn’t touch my boobs. Actually, I really wanted to touch her boobs.” — Brittany

“The two of you are making a very serious mistake today; the likes which have not been seen since the Mexican Indians sold Manhattan to George Washington for an upskirt photo of Betsy Ross.” — Sue Sylvester to Will and Shannon Beiste

And let’s hear it for the boy … Chord Overstreet debuts as Sam
Chord Overstreet shirtless

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Man Crush of the Day: ‘Hawaii 5-0’ star Alex O’Loughlin

Alex O'LoughlinIt’s the start of a brand new television season which means returning favorites, new shows debuting and a slew of new eye candy to obsess over. Monday night I decided to give CBS’ new ‘Hawaii 5-0’ a glance. Many television reboots don’t do much and only serve to remind us of how good the original shows were. We’ve seen the CW go crazy over remaking and rebooting old television shows from ‘90210’ that’s had moderate success to ‘Melrose Place’ that crashed and burned. TNT is working on a reboot of ‘Dallas’ and there’s talk of a tv-remake of the Arnold Schwarzenegger film ‘True Lies’, and perhaps a reboot of ‘Alias’. So really, I didn’t expect much from CBS’ new modern take on ‘Hawaii 5-0′ but was really surprised to find that it was action packed, well written and full of eye candy including Scott Caan as Detective “Book ’em, Danno” Danny Williams and ‘Lost’ star Daniel Dae Kim as Detective Chin Ho Kelly.

But … the real star of the show is Alex O’Loughlin. Talk about Hawaii 5-Oh! You’d probably recognize him as the shirtless guy from the Jennifer Lopez film ‘The Back-Up Plan’ or for his other television appearances including his roles in ‘Moonlight’ and ‘Three Rivers’. Regardless, his penchant for going shirtless and showing off his tattoos or hairy chest definitely makes him worthy of a bit of crushing. You can check him out each week on CBS’ ‘Hawaii 5-0’ airing Monday nights at 10 p.m. EST.

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Alex O'Loughlin

Rob Lowe’s Sizzling Men’s Fitness Spread

Summer may be winding down and the barometers may be getting low but Rob Lowe, with the help of Men’s Fitness magazine, are heating up the newsstands with a too hot to handle cover story and photo spread that’ll surely get you a bit hot under the collar. Feast your eyes on Rob Lowe’s banging body that he attributes to fitness and surfing. The now former Brothers & Sisters star will be moving on to the comedy Parks & Recreation but these photos are definitely no laughing matter.

Rob Lowe Men's Fitness

Check out a full article and larger photos of the hot Rob Lowe in the October 2010 issue of Men’s Fitness magazine, on sale next week!

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Album Review: Maroon 5 ‘Hands All Over’ [DELUXE EDITION]

Adam Levine from Maroon 5It’s been about three years since Maroon 5 released their last album ‘It Won’t Be Soon Before Long’ and the time off seems to have done them well. The first thing I noticed about their new album ‘Hands All Over’ that’s set for release on September 21, 2010, is that it feels a lot more inspired and peppy than their last album. The last album, in my opinion, felt too big, too unfocused and overall not too interesting. This album however reminds me a lot of why they became so popular to begin with and the rock, pop, funk fusion makes for an exciting album. Is it perfect? No, hardly any album is but these tracks fit together well to make for an enjoyable listening experience. I also liked that for this album the group seemed to hold back on the slow ballads that overpopulated the last album. There were only two really slow tracks and the rest were fast faced, quick and really fun and carefree.

Track by Track
The album starts off with “Misery” which peaked at 17 on the Billboard Hot 100 tracks. It’s a fun, hip track that definitely deviates a bit from Maroon 5’s usual melodic, heart string tugging tracks and instead favors a dance beat. “Give A Little More” is an upbeat track that features Adam Levine’s usual sensual vocal stylings layered over a funky beat. It’s not as catchy as “Misery” and gets a bit boring with its monotonous lyrics. “Stutter” is one of the best tracks on the album; it starts off with wailing that reminds you a bit of an old Frankie Valli song and is an upbeat love ballad about how a girl makes Adam feel so good that he just wants to spend all of his time with her and that she makes him stutter. “Don’t Know Nothing” shifts gears a bit for a rock sound with the lyrics focusing on the flip side of love – being tired of being the “wrong” one in the relationship. The song still has elements of old beach party music with the ‘ooo-ing’ in the background and instrumentation but sounds modern.

“Never Gonna Leave This Bed” takes the sound back to the present day and typical Maroon 5. It has a bit of a big sound but sounds a bit more grounded than the first few tracks on the album. It feels more like a transition track to remind us that we’re still listening to Maroon 5 and not some group from the past. “I Can’t Lie” is reminiscent of their sound from the ‘Songs About Jane’ album – very bouncy, a laid-back groove sound with hand-clapping sounding off in the background. It’s a fun, light, carefree track that’s a welcomed change after the last few downer-tracks. The title track “Hands All Over” is an interesting track – a complete departure for the group as they’re going for a harder rock sound than their usual light, pop-orientated songs. It reminded me a lot of a track that Aerosmith would have done in the past and the track definitely stands out on the album that features pretty light, frilly songs. “How” is a ballad and it’s probably the best ballad on the album. It has a big epic sound and will remind you of an 1980s song. Levine’s vocals fit perfectly with this song because he manages to convey tons of emotions.

“Get Back In My Life” feels a bit out of place and as if it should have been placed earlier in the album with the other songs that have something of an older sound. It’s a fast paced track with an interesting vocal treatment that has Levine singing in a high register that gradually steps down into a lower one. “Just A Feeling” is a slow ballad that’s interesting in that Levine’s vocals are layered over one another so it sounds as if he’s singing a duet with himself. It’s a decent ballad but feels pretty formulaic and standard. “Runaway” is another rock-influenced track and the last of the standard edition tracks that’s quick paced and has the vibe of a big closing song … until “Out of Goodbyes” comes up. This track ends the album on a pretty weak, quiet, dull note and features a collaboration with Lady Antebellum. I just feel like the track should have come before “Runaway” – the album starts with such an exciting, big sound and then it ends on a quiet, forgettable one.

Bonus Tracks
The deluxe edition comes with a generous offering of bonus tracks. These include two additional tracks and two acoustic versions of two tracks from the standard album and a live track. For the most part, I feel the group made a decent album unlike some artist who save their best material for the deluxe edition and make bonus tracks out of tracks that really should have been on the regular album. “Last Chance” felt like complete filler and didn’t make an impression on me at all. “No Curtain Call” however felt and sounded epically amazingly – it’s a bit of a darker sound than the group is usually accustomed to. I actually liked the change in the sound and that the track wasn’t entirely peppy, pop or happy and wouldn’t have minded if it’d been on he regular edition – though it’s different and didn’t go with the other tracks, so I get why it was just a bonus track. Acoustic versions of “Never Gonna Leave This Bed”, “Misery” and live version of “If I Ain’t Got You” (an Alicia Keys cover) are also included. I liked the “Misery” acoustic track because it turns an upbeat, pop song into something of a laidback, easy listening track, giving the song an entirely new vibe and interpretation. The Alicia Keys cover is really amazing and Adam Levine did an amazing job vocally with the track and is able to convey just as much emotion as Keys does with the track. He makes it sound as if he really connected with the track or that he wrote it himself.

In all, I felt ‘Hands All Over’ was a good effort. The album feels like it could possibly come from two different recording sessions; the first half of the album features songs that definitely aren’t mainstream and have hints of pop, funk and rock and really don’t sound like anything you’d expect from Maroon 5. The later half of the album is more typical of Maroon 5 – Levine singing in a sensual manner, Levine hitting high notes, a more standard rock sound. I give props to the group for working with Robert Lange (who’s worked with Foreigner, AC/DC, The Cars) because he seemed to push the group into new musical territory without making them sound completely unlike themselves. You’re probably fine if you buy the cheaper standard edition but the deluxe does offer the great bonus track “No Curtain Call” and the Alicia Keys cover “If I Ain’t Got You”.

Listen to These: “Misery”, “Stutter”, “How”, “No Curtain Call”

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Man Crush of the Day: ‘Glee’ star Chris Colfer

Chris Colfer from 'Glee'Here’s a guy worth hitting a high note over – ‘Glee’ star Chris Colfer. Sure, the show may center around the dimwitted Finn and may feature the rough and tumble Puck but to me, ‘Glee’ is all about Chris Colfer’s character, Kurt. He’s the first gay character to come along on television that has real depth and feels real unlike those caricatures on ‘Will & Grace’ or ‘Queer as Folk’.

Seriously, what’s not to like about Chris Colfer? In interviews, especially with his appearance on Chelsea Lately, he seems very comfortable with himself and genuine. It’s nice to see a younger star who doesn’t shy away from his sexuality. Born in 1990, he grew up in Clovis, Ca. and while in school kept busy with things such as the speech and debate club, theater and was editor and writer for a school publication. Sounds very ‘Glee’ really. Chris is a very cute guy – he has a bit of an Keebler elf-ish thing going on with his looks but it works for him. His pouty lips, slim frame and always perfectly quaffed hair is just a real turn on, in my opinion. His character Kurt definitely had more stand-out, Emmy-worthy moments in season 1 than one could imagine and it only showed that Colfer has managed to make Kurt Hummel a household name and iconic television character (as recently proclaimed by Rolling Stone magazine). What’s in store for season 2? Apparently more moments of Kurt’s struggles that’ll have us reaching for a tissue and a love interest. Rumor has it it’ll be the character played by Chord Overstreet but nothing’s been set in stone yet. Follow Chris Colfer on Twitter (@chriscolfer) and his alter ego Kurt Hummel (@KurtHummelGlee) and tune in to the season 2 premiere of ‘Glee’ on Fox, airing September 21.

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Chris Colfer